A new, non-peer-reviewed but plausible study from suggests that about a third of people between 26 and 40 who are living with their parents are doing so because of love gone wrong. It’s committing to something that might not work out in the long run. Saying I love you to someone is throwing such caution to the winds. And to provide a bulwark against the ill effects of a breakup, they’re showing more interest in prenups, investing in education and working long hours to make sure they can be independent. Partly to inoculate themselves against a relationship going sour, couples are marrying later (28 for women and 30 for men in the U.S.), living together first and using algorithms to increase their chances of finding The Right One. “They don’t have a sense of the red flags they ought to be watching out for.” “People find it more difficult to recognize the signs of a healthy relationship,” says Victor Harris, associate professor of Family, Youth and Community Sciences at the University of Florida, because they haven’t seen so many around them. They don’t want to go through that trauma again, and they may be still dealing with its emotional aftermath. Some psychologists believe that this generation’s belief in that particular relationship has been rocked because their parents were among the generation with the highest rate of divorce, which peaked in the mid-’80s in the U.S. You can say I love you at any age to any friend/parent/child/pet, but the classic ILY is to a lover. Maybe it leads to glory, maybe you belly-flop. For some folks, it feels like diving off the high board, naked, in front of the entire school (or office). They’ve made a declaration as to what camp they’re in, whether their love interest feels the same way or not. You and your partner can undertake individual and joint couples therapy sessions to resolve your issues.Once someone has said I love you, they can’t unsay it. Sometimes it takes the perspective and presence of a neutral, clinically-trained third party to identify negative cycles and help partners communicate better. If the situation isn’t improving, consider seeking professional help through therapy. Do your best to clearly, honestly, and courageously express your feelings, experience, and requests. Make it a point to highlight and validate the behaviors they do well instead of focusing on what they don't do. Encourage your partner's efforts to provide attention and affection with positive reinforcement. This is a way of channeling more effective communication through a solution-oriented approach. They may have their own reasons for pulling away, including unmet needs of their own. Instead of asking your partner for what you need from them, ask them what they want from you. There might be a self-fulfilling prophecy in play, where you are creating the conditions that set the stage for your partner to be distant. Consider the ways in which your frustration with not receiving enough attention has made you more critical of your partner. So, stop trying to control them and focus on what you can control-your own behavior and responses. Realize that you cannot change your partner's behavior. Becoming strategically less available or "playing hard to get" is not an effective, honest, or sustainable solution. Take caution to ensure that you're not closing yourself off to your partner while focusing on yourself as this can be harmful to your relationship. This will bring more fulfillment to your life and help you become a better version of yourself. Start going to the gym, join a new book club, or take a class. Even if your partner does respond, it is only a temporary solution because the attention wasn’t freely provided. If you beg for attention and don’t receive it, you will feel rejected. Not only is this approach ineffective, it harms your self-worth. While it is important to be vulnerable, you should not resort to begging for attention. Stop begging for your partner's attention.
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